The Worst Day

It took me three days to work up the nerve to write this post, and then I thought posting it on April 1st would suck because I really wish this was an April Fool's joke.

On Monday, March 20th, at 12:16 pm, my dear, sweet, loving, sometimes jerky, Riley took his last breath.

After vomiting and not eating for a couple days, I took him to the vet and she discovered he was in liver failure. He was barely drinking and hardly moving. His wonderful doctor was so kind and said that based on what she was seeing and his lab results, the only kind option she could recommend to us was humane euthanasia. 

This was the hardest decision I have ever had to make. I brought him home when he was 10 weeks old and so tiny, the runt of his litter. He has been my best friend and constant companion for 8 and 1/2 years. 

So, I held him and kissed him and told him that I loved him, that he wouldn't feel any more pain, and that it was just like going to sleep. The whole thing took less than a minute and I kept telling him how loved he was. I didn't want him to be scared or alone. 

I have yet to make it more than two or three hours without breaking down in tears. My wonderful coworkers made work on Tuesday and Wednesday bearable. My mom kept me out of the house for a little while on Wednesday. And last night, my brother and his fiancee dropped off their Basenji, Niko, for me to borrow so that I wouldn't be home alone today or tomorrow. 

My heart feels so empty and I feel like this has been the longest week. I keep thinking that it will get easier day by day but it seems to be getting harder. I miss him so much that my whole body hurts. 

He was not just a dog, he was a member of my family and my best friend.